Father of the Bride

Yesterday I watched a portion of TLC's Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta while folding laundry. I don't TiVo it, so it is not something I regularly watch. I just landed on it after a brief bit of scrolling through the guide. Despite only having seen one other episode before, this show is not entirely out of my wheelhouse. I love wedding crap. I enjoy reality shows about people picking the best of several wonderful options. And I tend to enjoy shows that feature a respected gay man sharing his sage wisdom with clueless, tacky women. So now that I think of it, I really should start TiVo-ing the show.

I was reminded of the show today after I came across this item about Jada Pinkett Smith's new, angled, ombré haircut. It included this reference to a "controversy" that occurred last year over her 12 year-old daughter, Willow's, decision to shave her head.

Back in November, when crowds commented on her daughter Willow’s bold cut, Smith defended her daughter, saying “Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair.”

Now, that's a nice feminist statement, and I certainly agree with it. But that's not what reminded me of a show about wedding dresses. When I clicked through to the November item I found an even better quote from Willow's father, Will Smith.

“When you have a little girl, it’s like how can you teach her that you’re in control of her body?” the actor told Parade earlier this year.

“If I teach her that I’m in charge of whether or not she can touch her hair, she’s going to replace me with some other man when she goes out in the world.”

The episode of Say Yes to the Dress that I happened to be watching as I was folding my laundry featured all brides who were were shopping with either the groom(!) or their father, and the men were vocal and controlling the decisions. At first it was slightly amusing to see a 24 year-old named Christina talk about how she's a Daddy's girl. I was a 24 year-old bride-to-be who had my dad (and mom, and mother-in-law-to-be) with me when I picked my wedding dress. My dad even paid for the dress. I would even say that I was quite a Daddy's Girl. But that's where the similarity ended.

As I watched this episode that kept showing controlling dads talking about what they'd allow their daughters to wear, I got grossed out. I couldn't watch it anymore. I had to turn it off. I didn't even finish the episode. Maybe the bridal shop manager and Monte saved those poor girls from the Tyranny of the Dads for one day. Maybe the young women picked their favorite dresses, heedless of their dads' desires. But so what? I saw those girls talk to the camera and explain that having no control in their own lives is just How It Is.

So when I read the Will Smith quote I remembered that those poor women weren't just living under the thumbs of their oppressive dads, but they were looking forward to marrying men who likely would be just as domineering over them, and I got sad all over again. Maybe I shouldn't TiVo that show after all.

Choosing My Religion

As a non-supernaturalist and mother, I was surprised that an essay published on CNN on January 14 by an atheist mom didn't gain my attention until today. Apparently it has gone viral, and my first exposure to it was an article about all the buzz.

So, I went to the actual essay and immediately wanted to dismiss this woman as a fool who happens to not believe in the Judeo-Christian version of God, simply because she doesn't like the way that God operates. But my annoyance subsided and I realized, isn't that basically what all of us do when picking and choosing between religions? Even people who are born into their religions at some point can find themselves choosing to renew their pre-existing beliefs or choosing new, better-fitting beliefs.

I have attended a good number of various Christian church services, Sunday Schools, Bible studies, Young Life events, weddings, funerals, baptisms, you name it, and though I have been moved several times, I have never been convinced that the emotional responses had any relation to any spiritual awakening. Rather they were the manifestation of my naturally gregarious personality enjoying the congregations of people.

Even when I took an intro to Eastern religions class at George Mason University, and was reading the Bhagavad Gita, the Tao Te Ching, and learning the Four Noble Truths (among other things), the philosophical was always much more interesting to me than the metaphysical. The closest I've ever come to adopting a religion occurred when I realized I basically agreed with Gautama that worrying about the nature of the after-life is a waste of time. But that's pretty much as far as it got. I rejected most of everything else Buddhism (in its many forms) offers, simply because I just didn't like it. It didn't jive with my perspectives on truth and suffering.

Indeed, it was during that class, when I learned many new and interesting things, but didn't feel the need to convert to any one religion, that I realized that basically every time some new religious sect is created, it has less to do with objective revelation than some guy (usually) wanting a better-fitting theology to adhere to, and deciding to sell it to others.

And here is why I will never be a joiner: no one agrees with me 100% about the nature of God, the universe, and life, and I don't agree with anyone else. I incorporate what I like from existing thought systems and move along. I have created my own (non-supernatural) religion for myself. I believe many, if not most, people do this, but many people need to identify with others and commune in their similarities, whereas I find such circle-jerks boring after a while.

Dagny Taggert, Feminist Hero

Because of its reputation for being long and boring I avoided Atlas Shrugged for years. Then my sister started reading it and convinced me to try it too. I already had a copy on my bookshelf (how it got there, I have no idea), so I started reading it. The biggest surprise to me was how strong of a woman Dagny Taggert is and how I had never heard anyone anywhere say that. She is by far the most fearless, independent, self-assured, sexually-free female protagonist I have ever come across in fiction. My sister and I kept remarking to each other that she says and does everything right.

So why don't feminists embrace her? She's clearly ticked all the boxes of Feminist Success. The only answer that I can come up with is that she doesn't require the government to help her solve her problems. She is therefore completely ignored. Any leftist criticism of Atlas Shrugged I ever read acts as if the book is about John Galt, when in my mind, the book is clearly about Dagny Taggert.