Father of the Bride

Yesterday I watched a portion of TLC's Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta while folding laundry. I don't TiVo it, so it is not something I regularly watch. I just landed on it after a brief bit of scrolling through the guide. Despite only having seen one other episode before, this show is not entirely out of my wheelhouse. I love wedding crap. I enjoy reality shows about people picking the best of several wonderful options. And I tend to enjoy shows that feature a respected gay man sharing his sage wisdom with clueless, tacky women. So now that I think of it, I really should start TiVo-ing the show.

I was reminded of the show today after I came across this item about Jada Pinkett Smith's new, angled, ombré haircut. It included this reference to a "controversy" that occurred last year over her 12 year-old daughter, Willow's, decision to shave her head.

Back in November, when crowds commented on her daughter Willow’s bold cut, Smith defended her daughter, saying “Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair.”

Now, that's a nice feminist statement, and I certainly agree with it. But that's not what reminded me of a show about wedding dresses. When I clicked through to the November item I found an even better quote from Willow's father, Will Smith.

“When you have a little girl, it’s like how can you teach her that you’re in control of her body?” the actor told Parade earlier this year.

“If I teach her that I’m in charge of whether or not she can touch her hair, she’s going to replace me with some other man when she goes out in the world.”

The episode of Say Yes to the Dress that I happened to be watching as I was folding my laundry featured all brides who were were shopping with either the groom(!) or their father, and the men were vocal and controlling the decisions. At first it was slightly amusing to see a 24 year-old named Christina talk about how she's a Daddy's girl. I was a 24 year-old bride-to-be who had my dad (and mom, and mother-in-law-to-be) with me when I picked my wedding dress. My dad even paid for the dress. I would even say that I was quite a Daddy's Girl. But that's where the similarity ended.

As I watched this episode that kept showing controlling dads talking about what they'd allow their daughters to wear, I got grossed out. I couldn't watch it anymore. I had to turn it off. I didn't even finish the episode. Maybe the bridal shop manager and Monte saved those poor girls from the Tyranny of the Dads for one day. Maybe the young women picked their favorite dresses, heedless of their dads' desires. But so what? I saw those girls talk to the camera and explain that having no control in their own lives is just How It Is.

So when I read the Will Smith quote I remembered that those poor women weren't just living under the thumbs of their oppressive dads, but they were looking forward to marrying men who likely would be just as domineering over them, and I got sad all over again. Maybe I shouldn't TiVo that show after all.